Where My Demons Hide
by LeftyGeek
Summary: As Lissa prepares for her coronation ceremony, she revisits the demons from her past. She finds strength in herself and those who care about her, realizing that she is capable of taking on the role of queen. Based on the song "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. Lissa's POV.


**Where My Demons Hide**

Based on the song "Demons" by Imagine Dragons

**A/N: I absolutely love this song, and I knew when I heard it that I had to use it as inspiration for a story. Every time I listened to it, I could picture Lissa's struggles throughout the VA series. So I decided to pull the various clips together within the frame of her coronation ceremony. I hope you like it. Also, I am working on Exiled, my sequel to Saving Roza. My head just got caught up on this idea and I couldn't focus on that anymore until I wrote this. I'm sure you guys understand that! Please read and review! **

[Lissa's POV]

_Composed, regal, graceful, strong, majestic, elegant, dutiful, inspiring, attentive, trustworthy… _ As I walked towards the church my mind ticked off a list of adjectives that I felt should describe a queen. This was my coronation day, yet I still didn't feel as prepared as I believed I should have been. Had the others whose shadows I walked in felt prepared? They'd had decades of experience on me. Yet, I wondered, could anyone ever be completely confident in his or her ability to be a great leader? Circumstances constantly changed and I knew I had to be prepared for any number of situations that could arise. Would anyone take an eighteen year old queen seriously? Could I take myself seriously in this role? I had to. That was the simple answer. This was my duty to my people and I would find a way.

I entered the church, where I was left on my own. I was supposed to use the time before my ceremony for prayer and reflection. I hoped I could make the best of it and relax my racing mind. I crossed myself and got onto my knees. Struggling to compose my thoughts for prayer, I pressed my eyes closed and simply let the memories, the fears, and the doubts flood in…

_**When the days are cold  
And the cards all fold  
And the saints we see  
Are all made of gold**_

_The tires screamed and I felt like my body turned inside-out from the sudden impact. The crash was lightning fast and slow motion at the same time. I descended into a puzzled daze; the topic of our idle chatter from seconds earlier was erased from my mind completely. Disorientation gave way to the sickening realization of what had happened. My first coherent thought was that next to me, Rose wasn't conscious. There was blood—so much blood. She had to be okay. SHE HAD TO BE OKAY. And I was flooded with an overwhelming rush of power—warm, intensifying strength. I rocked back and forth, clinging onto her, as the cries of ambulance sirens filled my ears.__****_

When your dreams all fail  
And the ones we hail  
Are the worst of all  
And the blood's run stale

_I missed them. Every second of every hour of every day I felt the pain of their absence. Guilt swallowed me up. Nighttime was the worst, when I was all alone. Sunlight made me feel so exposed—so raw. Tears fell from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks. They burned against my skin. Princess. Everyone called me princess now. Would a princess do this? I thought darkly, pressing the tip of the knife against my skin. I drew a small line, pausing to watch the blood bead up, then trickle. Precious royal Moroi blood. I made another cut, a little deeper this time, finding solace in the physical pain, letting the emotional pain drain away with each drop of crimson blood.__****_

I wanna hide the truth  
I wanna shelter you  
But with the beast inside  
There's nowhere we can hide

_His eyes on me made me nervous. He could see me—really see me. I could just tell. He didn't look at me and see some pretty, stereotypical, royal Moroi girl who was wealthy, conceited and popular with an automatic sense of entitlement. When our eyes met, I felt completely exposed. But there was no judgment in his gaze—only understanding. He cloaked himself in darkness, but I could feel a brightness in his soul—a fierce fire. Christian Ozera was a fighter. His parents were gone too—and under much worse circumstances than mine. He tried to have a harsh exterior. It only caused people to judge him more, and fear him. But when we looked at each other, I realized, not only did all my walls come down—his did too.__****_

No matter what we breed  
We still are made of greed  
This is my kingdom come  
This is my kingdom come

_I watched him enter the courtroom—Victor Dashkov. The man I had once called uncle; the man who had the eyes that matched the rest of my family's; the man who had tortured me. I froze when he saw me. Goosebumps formed on my skin and I felt my face go pale. How could things have gone so wrong? He used to be like family. Watching him now, he looked so sickly, like death could swallow him up at any second. An irrational part of my brain surged with guilt. I was capable of healing. Was it wrong not to heal him? I was drawn out of my thoughts by Rose squeezing my hand. I couldn't save everyone. It wasn't my job. And Victor was one of the least deserving people of my healing. He deserved to be locked up. For good. I drew in a deep breath as I was called to the witness stand. Then I paused and started reliving the nightmare.__****_

When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  


_I didn't struggle against the two guys who held me in place by the arms. Another spattering of rocks hit me in the face. They were sharp and I could tell some of them had left cuts. I winced and braced myself for the next round. It hurt so much, but I needed to stay calm. I needed a way out. I wouldn't use compulsion. I wouldn't stoop to their level. Water flooded my face, and I felt like I was drowning. Then it disappeared and I gasped and choked. Before I could catch my breath, it was back again. They were going to kill me. When the air users started torturing me, I froze up completely—sinking into horrible memories of when Victor had tortured me. From the corner of my eye, I saw a flame of fire, and I knew there was no chance of surviving this. _

_But she came, with the force of a hurricane. Rose crashed into Ralph before he had a chance to harm me with the fire, and the whole scene dissipated in the other Moroi's shock and fear. My focus fell to Jesse. He needed to suffer. He needed to feel all of the pain he'd inflicted on others. I settled my eyes on him, my suppressed rage concentrated in my gaze._

"_Spiders." I spoke as I watched the horror fill Jesse's eyes. I drank in the dark energy that gave replaced my fear and anger with strength. This was revenge._

_**When the curtain's call  
Is the last of all  
When the lights fade out  
All the sinners crawl**_

_Christian! There were Strigoi on campus and I wasn't with Christian! We were supposed to meet above the chapel, like always, except I hadn't left the dorm before we'd gotten hauled upstairs for safety. But Christian wasn't here… which meant he could have been anywhere! I felt my composure disintegrating as worry replaced it. I bit my lip to hold back tears. Adrian knew how upset I was. He tried to reassure me by saying that Christian was safest of all in a church. All I could imagine were the Strigoi burning the chapel down. _

_The night lasted forever. The fear and anxiety were eating away at me, and increased tenfold when the Strigoi got into the lower level of my dorm. I watched regretfully as my classmates—novices—took off downstairs to fight. With a wave of nausea, I realized I might never see them again. _

_Finally, when it felt like none of us could take anymore, the faintest traces of daylight began to appear in the sky. The attack was over. Gradually, the guardians loosened up on security, as they knew all was clear. I was devastated to learn that there were a number of casualties. My eyes searched frantically for Christian. _

_His eyes lit up with a mixture of relief and intense love when he spotted me. He looked more exhausted than I'd ever seen him, but he still ran to where I was standing. I held him in a fierce embrace, and all the tears I'd been holding back finally fell. He pulled me tightly against him, neither of us saying a word. We didn't need to. We were both alive and safe. At the moment that was enough.__****_

So they dug your grave  
And the masquerade  
Will come calling out  
At the mess you've made  


"_I'm sorry." As Rose turned to walk away, I felt the tears start falling faster—uncontrollably. I sunk to the ground as I sobbed. The chotki Rose had just handed back to me was still in my clenched fist. She was really gone. My best friend—my protector—had just walked out on me. She didn't love me anymore. She'd chosen Dimitri. Dimitri wasn't even alive now. Why hadn't she ever told me she loved him? Why? We were supposed to be best friends. She knew everything about me. Thanks to the bond, I couldn't help that. How could I know so little about her anymore? Maybe this was my fault. Maybe I had been such a bad friend that Rose no longer cared about me. I'd never, ever meant to force her into being my guardian. I'd always thought it was what she wanted. We'd been best friends for practically our entire lives so far, and I had never seen any reason for that to change. But maybe it had. I sat on the ground, sobbing, wondering what I would do without the girl who'd been the only family I'd had for the past two years. Rose had done so much for me. Maybe I was ungrateful. Maybe I had never deserved her to begin with…_

_**Don't want to let you down  
But I am hell bound  
Though this is all for you  
Don't want to hide the truth**_

_Avery's screams echoed around us. But the threat was over now. In a mixture of shock and exhaustion, I collapsed into Adrian's arms. My mind couldn't even begin to process everything that had just taken place. But it could process one thing. Rose. Even though I could only hear her in my head, I knew she was there, and she was okay. She hadn't really left me. She'd been right there when I'd needed her. Soon. She'd said she'd be back soon. I couldn't wait to see her again. I needed my best friend. I needed her now more than ever.__****_

No matter what we breed  
We still are made of greed  
This is my kingdom come  
This is my kingdom come  


_The flames licked at my skin. I wouldn't let the intensity of the heat distract me. I had to do this. I owed this to Rose. I had charmed the stake with spirit and now I had to know if it would work. I shoved it as hard as I could into Dimitri's chest, but it wasn't enough. The flames were nearly engulfing me. It hurt so much, but not nearly as much as the pain I knew Rose was feeling. I could do this. I shoved the stake harder, using all the force within my body. Why did I have to be so weak? I knew Rose would be trying to stop me. I shot out a wave of compulsion at her. I needed to do this. And with one last shove, the stake pierced Dimitri's heart. _

_White light blinded me. Spirit flooded through me so strongly that I thought I might pass out. But in that moment, I felt none of the pain from the fire. I felt only an overwhelming amount of joy. I collapsed to the ground and so did Dimitri. He rested on me, burying his face, obviously dhampir again. I stroked my fingers through his hair. He was himself again. It had worked. It was amazing. I noticed Rose watching us. I saw Dimitri look up. For a fraction of a second I saw their eyes meet. I saw the startled joy on my best friend's face and I felt Dimitri begin to weep. I knew that, no matter what the consequences of my actions were, they would always be worth it._

_**When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
**_

"_What do you mean, Rose killed the queen?" I demanded to no one in particular. My thoughts were frenzied and adrenaline pulsed through my veins. It couldn't be true. It COULDN'T be true. Rose was deadly at killing Strigoi, but she would never, ever kill a Moroi, and especially not the queen. Christian and I were crowded in the chaos of an administrative building, although no one was paying attention to us. The queen was dead. That itself was shocking. But blaming Rose? That was inexcusable. _

_Somewhere out of the chaos came Adrian. I was relieved to see his face, and even more relieved to hear that he'd been with Rose the night before—no matter the circumstances; I'd find that out later. But we couldn't let my best friend be tried for treason. Someone was behind this. Someone had set her up. And if some royal Moroi wanted her locked up—or dead—all the evidence in the world might not matter. These people were used to getting what they wanted. _

_But Rose had always defended me. She'd risked her life for me. She'd believed in me. Well, it was time to return the favor._

_**They say it's what you make  
I say it's up to fate  
It's woven in my soul  
I need to let you go**_

_I was floored—absolutely and utterly shocked. The royal council was in shambles, largely due to me. Because I wasn't an eligible candidate for queen. Me. People wanted me—the troubled, orphaned, runaway girl with all the strange powers of spirit—they wanted me to be the queen. It was both thrilling and terrifying. But when I had addressed everyone with my speech, I had felt something light up inside of myself. Sure, I'd been terrified, but I'd also felt influential—I'd felt powerful. Like maybe I really could make a difference in the lives of all these people. I had Dragomir blood in my veins—and I wanted to make my family proud. For the very first time, I found myself actually wishing I had a chance in this election._

_Then, they were moving towards the podium. Both Rose and Dimitri, cloaked in spirit disguises, Adrian, Jill Mastrano, and Abe. I was thrilled at the sight of my friends, but Rose's expression told me to hold back. As Abe let out a piercing whistle, I wondered what could possibly be going on. Then, maintaining her disguise, Rose spoke. _

"_This is Jillian Mastrano Dragomir. She is Eric Dragomir's illegitimate daughter." No! It couldn't be true. What was Rose doing? Of course, she was trying to make me an eligible candidate for queen. But making up stories about me having an illegitimate sister? Jill, though. She did have the piercing green eyes…Dragomir eyes. Oh God, it was true. Rose wouldn't present this to the whole court if it wasn't verifiable. My dad… had cheated. As Daniela Ivashkov confirmed her knowledge of Jill, my stomach turned. I was sickened—devastated—by what my father had done. And yet, at the same time, I realized what this meant. With a living relative, I could participate in the election. I had the possibility of becoming queen. My eyes rested on Jill, who met my gaze with a mixture of guilt, sympathy, and also happiness. I had living family.__****_

Your eyes, they shine so bright  
I want to save that light  
I can't escape this now  
Unless you show me how  


_Tasha Ozera—Christian's Aunt Tasha—now had a gun pointed to Mia Rinaldi's head. The whole scene was so far beyond comprehension that I felt like I must have been dreaming. Rose had just accused Tasha of killing Queen Tatiana. My head swam trying to reconcile all the details. But right now, there was no time. Tasha was hauling Mia towards the door. _

"_Tasha, please don't—" I began to push forward. It happened blindingly fast. Rose's body soared in front of mine before the sound of the gunshots had even registered in my brain._

"_Rose!" I screamed, as her body collapsed on the ground in front of me. "Rose! No!" I knelt over her. More and more blood was pouring from her chest. Her eyes were barely open. "Stay with me, Rose!" But I could tell she was too far gone to hear my words. An instant later, Dimitri was kneeling over her too, cradling her, whispering "I love you." _

_But the chaos in the room didn't give us more than a second's time with her. Guardians were forcing everyone away. They grabbed me by both of my arms, and although I struggled, it was no use. I'd never escape their grip._

"_No! NO!" I cried frantically. "I have to save her! I have to save her!" I kicked and shrieked. But no one listened. No one acknowledged me. And now my best friend was certainly dead._

_**When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide**_

_But she wasn't dead. Rose had lived. All on her own. I visited her shortly after she awoke. Dimitri, who hadn't left her side, gave us a few moments to ourselves. The election—Rose still didn't know. In fact she was relatively disoriented, and the lack of the bond wasn't helping her. She asked where we were._

"_Palace housing," I replied, as I watched the expression on her face transform. She figured it out. And there she was, grinning at me, like usual. Here I was, elected queen, and my best friend was amused about it. We had been through so much through the years, but we never, ever could have imagined that things would turn out this way. _

_Something in Rose's expression changed when I mentioned spirit though. She panicked. _

"_What will we do now that I can't take the darkness away from you?" I reassured her that it was my problem now, not hers. I had to deal with it, and I would._

I rose from where I'd been kneeling, feeling ready to take on this responsibility that lie before me. We all had our demons, I realized. Mine came in the form of spirit's darkness. Rose's came in the form of not always being able to protect those she cared about. Christian had to live with what his parents—and now his aunt—had done. Dimitri had to deal with the horrible acts he'd committed as a Strigoi. Adrian also dealt with the darkness of spirit, and the substances he abused to cope with it, not to mention the loss of his aunt and the hurt he felt from Rose. All of us had faced so much. And yet, here we were, stronger than everything that had ever stood in our way. For each other, we would always fight on.

I had a duty—a responsibility—to them, and to the whole Moroi world, to be an effective and dutiful leader. It wouldn't be easy. I would face challenges. But I also knew that I would always have my friends at my side. And with that knowledge, I was unstoppable.

Christian stood with me outside the coronation ceremony. This was really about to happen. I was so lost in my own thoughts that when my name was announced I felt like it was coming from somewhere a million miles away.

"Princess Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir." Christian squeezed my hand reassuringly as we stepped forward. I felt every set of eyes in the room resting on me. In my elaborate dress, I knew I looked the part. I would have to learn to feel the part. I held my head high as we approached the throne. I felt Christian leave my side, and for a second a wave of fear coursed through me. But I swallowed it back. Now was not the time.

"Kneel," commanded Ekaterina, the former queen. Taking notice of Jill's presence, I knelt, hoping that no one would notice my shaking knees under my full dress. As I knelt, Ekaterina read about the responsibilities of a monarch the from an ancient Moroi coronation book. Then came the series of vows I had to swear to. I listened attentively, replying with a genuine "I will" to each of them. With every ounce of my heart and soul, I intended to honor those vows, no matter how challenging it became.

I knew what came next. Jill stepped forward, a crown in her hands. I glanced up at her as she stood over me. This stranger was my sister. As upsetting as it was, I knew it wasn't her fault. When I looked into her eyes, I saw a multitude of emotions—fear, admiration, shock, insecurity, pride. This was difficult for her, too, I realized. The exposure of this dark secret fell on her just as hard as it did on me. We all had our demons to face.

I felt the weight of the crown as Jill sat it on my head. The weight of the future—the weight of the Moroi world. This was tradition, this was my heritage, and this was my duty. But this was also change, and progress, and what I hoped would be the start of a new era. There was much to be done, but I intended to be a catalyst for reform within my world.

"Rise," said Ekaterina, and I brought myself to my feet. I faced the rest of the room, catching the gaze of familiar eyes wherever I could. Rose's eyes gleamed with pride, as if to say, "that's my best friend!" Dimitri's gaze held respect and adoration. I knew that I represented the things he fought so fiercely to protect. Adrian gave me a small smirk. I knew that losing his aunt had broken his heart, but earlier he'd given me a small hug and declared that, when it came to queens, he thought they'd found a pretty good replacement. My eyes settled on Christian. He was beaming with adoration, tears forming in his dark eyes. I knew, without a doubt, that he would always support and encourage me. And that meant everything.

"Queen Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir, first of her name." And everyone knelt, bowing their heads. For me. It was unnerving to see this whole room full of people showing their respect. I decided what I had been suspecting—that I didn't like people bowing down to me. We needed more equality in our world—royal Moroi, non-royal Moroi, and dhampirs alike. We needed to break down the walls that separated us, and unite with a common goal. We needed to protect one another, preserve our races, and strengthen our future.

"Rise."


End file.
